That's right, Christmas happened, as did the New Year, now get over it! Fuck sake, life is back and it is shit. All of you people who got paid early in December so you could blow all your money on extra presents for under 8's who have no real concept of gifts, and who haven't got proper souls yet. And now you have had to wait 6 weeks to get paid, well boo hoo, suck it up and read some of my previous blogs and in the meantime, exercise some darn willpower and if you're a drug addict, stop being a drug addict.
It is important to understand the language of money. If you are hippy, this is language your mum and dad use to ultimately fund your self-obsessed prancing about trying to stop me getting bigger, brighter sweetcorn. If you are a more normal human, this language may prove daunting as it come up mostly attached to really large sums of money and dull-looking faces. But money is a massive part of your life, so a little knowledge about it is essential, you use money as much as you use your penis or lady zone, and imagine not knowing what pissing was, or a pube. So below I want to talk about some finance words and how they relate to you making the most from your savings.
PLEASE NOTE: This may all be wrong, but I am normally right.
This is the rate in which 'things' such as food, fuel and products go up in price each year. This always tends to go up, but it fluctuates. For example, it is around 2% at the moment, which means next year you will need a 2% pay rise just to be able to buy the same amount of things as now, so to stand still you need a pay rise of 2%. This is strongly affected by the arsehole energy companies, who are saying sorry while shitting profit. This has a major effects on any savings, as the inflation affects how much your savings are worth over time; £1000 may buy you 100 turkeylemonchocolates in 2013, but with inflation affecting the cost, the same £1000 you have been saving will only buy you 80 turkeylemonchocolates in 2023... which is rubbish, you should have just bought all those lovely made up food in 2013! Which brings me on to...
This is the percentage value your money will accrue in 1 year; the higher the percentage rate, the more you will gain. For example, a savings account with your bank may offer 2% interest rate, so a £1000 will gain £20 in a year... this is often paid monthly, so you would get a whooping £1.66 a month! You lucky Gremlin. Okay, so that's easy, any money you have should be placed somewhere with the best available interest rate to make you money for nothing. The interest rates are connected to the Bank of England base rate, which the Bank of England sets (monthly). However this is at its lowest ever level at a mere 0.5% - I am not going to go into this too much, but this affects the interest you can get on your savings... and it is pretty low. The best you can hope for on an ISA (see below) is about 3.3%. If people want I will explain interest more another time, if not the go eat some fudge you tramp shit (I am tired).
INDIVIDUAL SAVINGS ACCOUNTS (ISA)
This is where you should put your money, should you have any. The word ISA is thrown around a lot, and I am not sure everyone knows what they are. Basically, they are savings accounts, but you do not pay tax on the interest. Anyone can get one, however there is a limit to the amount you can place in an ISA, this is around £5,200 a year, from April to April. It is easy to set up, and easy to check who is offering the best rates. BE AWARE interest rates can change, and special offers usually last only a year and can drop from 3% to 1% at the end of that year. YOU WILL BE INFORMED, so pay attention and move it to another ISA, don't be lazy and just let the bank take your money away.
BINBOY'S WHAT NOT TO BUY
This week, BINBOY has not seen fit to advise us on what we should not buy.